I Suck at Praying

I Suck at Praying

There are about ten things in my life right now that I need some direction on. Some are personal things. Others involve Summit Leaders.

I was lying in bed last night, wide-awake, worrying. I’d like to say it was strategizing. But it wasn’t. It was just worry.

There was a moment when I thought. I need to submit all this stuff to some serious prayer.

Then came another brutally honest thought. I dread praying about this kind of stuff.

The reason? I hate the process. It usually goes something like this:

  1. A bunch of stuff piles up in my mind and I start getting worried.
  2. I pour out my heart to God and ask for direction.
  3. I hear nothing. Zip. I sit there quietly for as long as I can bear, then say amen.
  4. I repeat step three the next day and the next. And the next and the next.
  5. Slowly my zeal fades and I begin to wonder why I even bother.

Yes, there’s my system for praying in faith. I read books by people who pray and get all this insight. I hate those books. They make me feel like I suck at prayer.

To be honest, some days I wonder why I even bother with the whole process. Why not just do whatever makes sense? Doesn’t God honor thinking on your toes?

Since we are commanded to pray I’d probably just settle for the standard, “Lord bless blah, blah, blah” prayer, except for one problem.

That problem is a thirty-year history I have walking with God. That absurd and annoying process I listed up there has worked for thirty years, and truth is – it’s led to seeing God do some pretty amazing stuff.

The process of prayer often feels ridiculous. But somehow, someway when I pray to God and ask for direction he always comes through. He “speaks.” It’s not a voice. It’s something else I can’t quite explain. More like a leading. I wish it was more concrete than that. But I guess that wouldn’t require faith.

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. Hebrews 11:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7