Jet-lagged Delirium and My Insecurity

Jet-lagged Delirium and My Insecurity

I got back from China fired up. I was ready to hit the ground running. Time to create!

But then something happened. I started getting all insecure.

It may just be the jet-lagged delirium that’s driving me to bed at 7:00pm and awake at 4:15am. But I don’t think so, because the scenario is all too familiar.

It started when I sent off the edited version of my book to the powers that be. As I hit send my brain said, “You know this still isn’t good enough. It’s still not where it needs to be. You’ll be lucky if they even read it.”

I groaned and got a little more insecure.

I moved on to contacting the guys in my Summit Life program. The voice returned. “Why does anyone sign up for this thing? They don’t need you. They can do everything you are offering on their own.”

I slouched in my chair. And got more insecure.

I started writing curriculum for Summit Life. “Seriously? That’s the deep, life-changing information you are going to share with these guys? Lame. Why don’t you just have them read something someone else wrote? Someone more famous and influential.”

It went on like this until about 11:30am when I decided I needed a therapeutic blogging session. Thus creating the product you are now reading. Sorry you had to be part of my therapy. Now, ask me about my childhood.

Here’s what writing this has reminded me.

I don’t have much to bring to the table. I’ve tried twenty different ways to make this blog more peppy and can’t even pull that off.

But no matter.

My job is to simply do what God has asked me to do. Whether he takes it and uses it on a grand scale or decides to hang my art on the back of a bathroom door – I have to do what he’s put in my heart.

God gets to decide how he gets the glory. I have to push through the resistance that says it’s about me and remember that obedience to God is the most important thing.

Soli Deo Gloria.