When You Feel Like Half the Man You Used to Be

When You Feel Like Half the Man You Used to Be


My senior year of high school I was the drummer for a band. At one particular event we played at I kind of had a meltdown. I don’t remember exactly what had happened, but I got mad about the quality level. In the middle of rehearsal I threw my drumsticks across the room and started yelling at people.

A friend of mine reminded me of that incident recently. “Man, you were such an idiot back then.” He said.

I started thinking back to my younger days. I was a lot more fiery back then. I was actually pretty proud of my raging personality. It made me feel powerful, like some sort of defender of truth and rightness and excellence.

I feel like I’ve lost a lot of that now. So much so, that I often feel like half the man I used to be. I really liked that fiery version of me.

Thing is, nobody else did. And even though I was certain my yelling and screaming about how unjust or wrong things were was helping the world – it wasn’t. Because no one could hear what I was saying past my screaming. Sure, it may have been entertaining for some, but for most people it was just annoying.

I know it feels good to rant and scream about all that’s wrong in this world. It makes you feel like you are actually doing something about it.

But I wonder what could happen if we invested all that energy into becoming better people. What if we used it to work on ourselves. What could happen? What if we got really honest about addressing the plank in our own eyes. I think it’s actually more courageous to work on fixing ourselves than to work on fixing others.

As you bring yourself under control, you may end up feeling like a less fiery person. But you won’t be. Instead you’ll have mastered the art of meekness – strength under control. And Jesus said, Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Matt. 5:5

You have the capacity to change the world. It all starts with changing you. Have the courage to get honest about who you are. Fight with all you’ve got to have meekness.

Be the change that you wish to see in the world. – Gandhi